(that isn't really Michael)

~ about Michael ~

Some say that I have contempt for normalcy, but that’s just a vicious lie. My name is Michael Allen Gelman and I live in Asheville, North Carolina. I am notorious for saying and doing things that I think are funny when I am the only one who thinks I'm funny. Being a New Yorker in the South, I have said things that the locals did not even think were jokes. There are some very basic things that are important to me. Forgive me for preaching, but the *Golden Rule* is at the top of my list. It’s something that people don’t often think about, but if they applied it, I believe that life would be a whole lot sweeter for everyone. I am a music lover. Music can elevate my spirit, and for this reason I have entertainment systems in every room, in my car, and even in my backyard. My favorite band is Go West and my favorite classical composer is Vivaldi. My favorite author is Yuval Noah Harari. Above all, I love democracy. Naturally, I HATE the electoral college. My life has been a string of miserable failures and heartbreak, and here are some photographs for your amusement:

	This is me at 5 years of age. As you can see, I did not always look like Uncle Fester.

I enlisted in the US army only a few weeks after I turned 17. This is me at age 18 in South Korea.

	In 1981, I got a dark tan in West Palm Beach while on leave from the Army. This was the end of my hair.

In 1986, I began to manufacture waterbed conditioner. This was my girlfriend with my product, in my factory. I had no idea of how to run a business and so this one failed. A few years later I went to UNC-A where I attained a BS degree in business management.

	In 1990, I worked as a photographer for the local newspaper. Afterwards, I ran my own photography business while I went to university. That is a toupée on my head.

That civilian posterior is mine. I used to volunteer with the Asheville Police Department to safeguard children with our “Kid Care ID Program.” 1996 ~ 1998.

	I served in the oldest Masonic lodge in western North Carolina. This is me being installed as the master of Mt. Hermon #118 AFAM Lodge for 2003.

I started and ran a speed dating business from 2007 to 2008. The first paragraph of the article is wrong ~ I started the business to make $$. In fact, I have never even speed dated.

	Enjoying a day at the lake with my son in 2008. I wanted to borrow his money and this seemed like the quickest way to get it.

Camping with my son in 2013.